30-Day Challenge Update #3: Restless

I'm doing well. I'm following these challenges better than I've followed any challenge in my life. Praise God! There have been a couple slip-ups where I manage my time badly or end up skipping a day (but making it up the next day), but I have been sticking to it quite well. Yay me! As I get deeper into the month, I'm feeling better about myself, my relationship with God, and my life. However, I find myself SUPER distracted by what the future holds and the thought of returning to my loved ones in my beloved home state in less than three weeks now. I'm ecstatic! I can barely contain my joy, honestly. I'm so restless and distracted though that it's hard to focus on what I need to be focusing on right now, like school and work. At this point I'm just trying to get through them quickly but still work hard and do my best. It isn't easy. I'm just so ready for this semester to be over! 20 more days!

I Scare Myself

It's probably the devil sneaking into my head again, feeding me lies and fears and doubts... but sometimes when I ponder on a group of individuals who are special to my heart but who do not currently play a large part in my life (YET!), I'm overflowing with joy and hope and the kind of love that is there but not yet given, but other times I get consumed by these negative thoughts, like "they'll disappoint you", "they're not as great as you make them out to be", "they won't care much about you", "they'll just look at you as a 'friend's friend'", "they'll think you're weird and awkward", "you can't make yourself a part of their friend group", "you don't understand them", "they're too busy with their own lives", "why would they think you're special at all?", "you're just completely delusional", "you can't love them the way you say you can", "everything you've hoped for the past year is a huge mistake of a fantasy", "you're being really ridiculous and dramatic".
I scare myself with these thoughts. I'm scared because if I continue to think them and believe them, they'll only become real, in my head at least, so none of what I hope for can happen. If I continue to worry about myself too much and how I'm presenting myself to them, then the best can't happen. I pray that I wake up in the morning with these fears gone, and that I can live every day leading up to when I get to see them again in a way that is good, healthy, and honoring to the Lord.

30-Day Challenge Update #2: How I'll Reach My Goals

There are goals I have that I hope to follow so that I'll see a big difference by the end of the month, but I have to know how to reach those goals. I mentioned earlier that it's going to take a lot more than just doing workouts and reading my Bible every day. Those are certainly important, but I've discovered that my main issue that I need to overcome is bad time management and the amount of time I spend on my laptop and phone.

I'm closely keeping track of how I'm spending my time and writing down notes of good things I do to congratulate myself, and not so good things I do so I would do better the next time. But I gotta come up with some sort of plan so I won't end up laying in bed and wasting time on my electronics without really giving thought to what I'm doing. This has been such a stumbling block. I need an "e-tox". That kind of thing is just hard to do when you need your computer for school and your hobbies include blogging and checking Tumblr and Pinterest. Also, I use my phone for everything: making reminders, taking pictures, listening to music, looking up directions, etc. I also text my best friend everything, all the time, but I may need to learn to give that up too, cause it really isn't as necessary as I've made it in my head. I'm gonna take the advice to follow the steps to overcoming my addiction in the articles below. I just really need self-control and self-discipline. I know I can do this, but it's gonna take a lot.

https://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-an-Addiction-to-Electronics

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/17/12-step-e-tox-curb-electronic-device-addiction_n_3936807.html

30-Day Challenge Update #1: The Right Motivation

To be honest, one of the reasons I came up with the idea to do this challenge was so that once I return to Colorado and see the guy I kinda like, I could feel good about myself and present myself as someone he could see himself dating... maybe even marrying (cause that's the whole purpose of dating anyway). I'm trying to do this in a very Christian way, through consistently reading my Bible and taking physical and mental care of myself; not in a way that I'd flaunt myself and care too much about what he thinks about my appearance. That's not what it's about. However, I'm finding that as I get deeper into this challenge, I'm not thinking about doing it for him. I'm thinking about doing this for myself and my well-being, as it should be. I guess that was my motivation all along, because I wanted this guy to see that I'm responsible and take care of myself, but I think maybe God is showing me that I don't need to think about this guy at all. Maybe he's turning my attention toward Him and my health, which is where my attention should be. If it is God's will for this guy to fall for me and for me to fall for him one day, then it'll happen. I just pray that I won't worry about it as much as I have sometimes, and that I'll just let it happen. And if nothing happens, I pray that I'll feel peace and contentment about that too. God's plan is always best, so I should follow it with my eyes on Him the whole time.

As a side note, my first kickboxing class was this morning! It really wasn't bad! Pretty intense and not what I'm used to, since I hardly ever exercise, but boy, I can feel it! I know I'll be very sore in the morning. But this is going to be awesome! I'm not planning on backing out. I got this.

July 30-Day Challenge

I've decided to challenge myself because I need to take better care of myself. In a month, I'm flying back to my home state to visit for a few weeks, and I want to arrive feeling mentally, physically and spiritually healthy. I want to show myself and others that I can take care of myself well and honor the life and the body the Lord has given to me!

I'm only on the second day of the challenge, but this is what I have observed so far:

• Following the challenge doesn't necessarily mean my life and my attitude will change. It'll take more than doing my workout, watching what I eat, avoiding spending money, and reading Bible passages. What I need to do is push to change my lifestyle and habits, mostly being on my laptop and phone for hours on end. I can do everything right, yet things will stay the same if I allow myself to waste so much time on my devices rather than doing more beneficial things. So really in a way, I need to change my life and attitude in order to follow the challenge. Each thing helps the other out.
• Reading my Bible does not automatically make my relationship with God right. Reading the Bible is a vital part of following Jesus, but I find that there's this sort of blockade in front of my heart that is keeping me from praising and adoring Christ in each moment of every day. So, I need to pray. I've never been good at praying often or consistently, but when I have, I find myself closer to the Lord and more intimate with Him. Part of being a Christian means practicing our faith every day, and not just sitting down to read the Bible then continuing on with the day without giving Jesus another thought.
• Self-Control!! Man, I am so bad at that. I act like a toddler in situations when I have to use self-control, mostly with food, screen time, going to bed at a good time, and sometimes spending. Many times I'll give in to my toddler-ness, but then of course I don't learn. I need to realize what this challenge is about and be open to changing in the ways the Lord wants me to.

I will be posting updates throughout the month. Oh, I also just signed up to take five kickboxing classes. I'm going to be Black Widow and also Wonder Woman by the end of this!