An Annual Day of Sadness

Today is September 11th, so I'd like to say a few things about 9/11. The tragic accident happened thirteen years ago this day. I find myself dreading this day every year for some reason. I don't remember it happening because I was only about three years old at the time, but I've seen many videos and some movies, documentaries, or TV episodes about it. Every aspect of it is just depressing and scary. When I dwell on events such as this, like what's going on in the Middle East right now, my whole viewpoint changes from light to dark for the rest of the day. I guess that's why I dread September 11 each year; I know that the whole world is looking back on this disaster, which makes the world a little dimmer. Although we praise the heroes that saved the lives of many, we still recall the great evil that was done and just hope that nothing like it will be done again.

This Is It.

So this is it... the night before the big trip. My emotions are going a little crazy right now. I'm calm over all, but I'm also extremely excited, anxious, a little stressed, and kind of terrified. I'm almost completely packed, but wow, that was stressful. Trying to get everything together for a 9 day journey across the globe is pretty hectic. I'm going to be on a plane for a total of about 12 hours. I don't know if I'll get sick or not. Sometimes I get motion sickness, but sometimes I do not. The trip itself I know will be amazing. I just can't think about it too much or else I'll ruin it for myself. Once I'm there, I might be the most excited I have ever been. Going to Paris AND London in one week is literally a dream come true. Last summer, I was planning a big trip to England, but I didn't think it would really happen until after high school sometime. I have to keep asking myself, "Is this really happening?" This is all dropping on me like a ton of bricks, but they're good bricks, obviously. I still kind of can't believe I'm going. I guess it'll really hit me when I'm there in the flesh. Honestly, the past year has been sort of a dream. I don't feel like I'm actually, fully here. I've always been tired at school and sometimes headachy, and that's most likely because I'm on electronics ALL THE TIME. Not so good for my brain. Because of this, I've been all "Whu?" and just going with the flow because I find myself caring less about things. My goal for this summer is to spend less time on electronics and wake up my brain. I need that. Anyway, I hope my brain will be awake enough for this trip. I want to take everything in during these 9 days because I may not get that chance again.

Going For It

I happen to have the perfect thing to blog about tonight. I have learned a lesson today, and most people hear it all the time, but today it actually meant something to me. That lesson is being confident and just. doing. it.
It's a long story, so I'll start from the beginning.
About twelve years ago when I was around 4 years old, my family and I went on a trip to Mexico. My cousin brought along his best friend, Matt. They were some of the youngest in our group (about 20), besides my siblings and I, so they hung out with us a lot. I don't remember a lot from the trip, but I remember a few specific things, including the taste of our resort's strawberry smoothies, the marble floors of our suite, the fun atmosphere of a fiesta at sunset, and more. What I vaguely remember about hanging out with Phil and Matt is that I was probably playing around with them a lot because I thought they were super cool. One thing I remember is a time when the adults were watching a movie that I wasn't allowed to watch, but I kept peeking in, and I think I remember Matt telling me to stop peeking. After Mexico, I had only seen Matt two times again-- at Phil's wedding and at a birthday party. Fast forward to Monday of this week. We were getting a substitute for a week in my tech class. When he came in, I didn't recognize him, but I was a little surprised to see a young, good-looking guy come in as the sub. He said his name was Mr. Samson, but that still didn't ring a bell for me. It wasn't until Wednesday night that I had this huge epiphany. When I realized who he was, I raced down to my mom yelling, "OH MY GOSH MOM, THE SUB IS MATT SAMSON." Clearly I was excited. I hadn't actually gotten a good look at him or even been in the same room as him since Mexico. On Thursday, I spent some of the class period repeatedly looking over at him and getting flashbacks of Mexico and thinking "This is so weird." My mom and my sister both wanted me to say hi, but I was too shy, as always. Honestly, I was a little afraid that he wouldn't remember me or if he did, I wasn't sure what his reaction was going to be. I did the same thing today, but I kept making up scenarios in my head about how it might turn out. It really shouldn't have been such a big deal, but I do tend to overthink things, unfortunately. Towards the end of class, I told myself, "Emma, this is your last chance, and you will regret it if you don't say anything." Finally, by the end of class before we left, I approached him with my pulse racing and my entire body shaking (I really shouldn't have been this nervous) and asked, "Do you know Phil Schell?" He said, "We're best friends." I was actually surprised that they were still best friends after twelve years, and it's a mystery to me why I haven't seen much even though he's still pretty close to my mom's side of the family. Anyway, I said, "I'm his cousin." His reaction was PRICELESS. He realized who I was immediately. The first thing he seemed to think of was a four-year-old me. "DO YOU REMEMBER MEXICO??" My answer was "Yeah!" but really on the inside I was saying, "OF COURSE I REMEMBER MEXICO I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REMEMBER ME OH MY GOSH THIS IS AMAZING." (Yes, my thoughts are usually in caps and without punctuation.) So we ended up having a short conversation in the classroom, out the door and down the stairs, but it was totally worth it. Once he left, I walked down the empty hallway to my choir class, smiling the whole way.
So friends, the moral of the story isn't that I got to see and talk with someone from my childhood; it's that when you push yourself to do something you'll regret if you don't, your entire day can be made. Take that to heart please, especially those who are not confident, because one of those people is me, and now I see how much of a difference it is when I actually do something.

P.S. - Matt Samson was the coolest babysitter and now he is seriously the coolest substitute teacher ever. Just fyi, if you ever happen to meet him.

Like living inside of a dream...

Okay. I'm going to London and Paris. Me. Actually going halfway across the world. I spent the summer planning a trip to Europe that would possibly happen in the future, but now I don't have to plan or hope for the best. My school is taking a trip there, which means it'll cost less and there will be less of a hassle for everyone. It's happening-- in less than three months. It's like God suddenly handed me a giant present with a giant bow on top. That's how wonderful He is to me.
I cannot express my excitement for this trip. When I was little, I wrote a little thing about how I wanted to go to Paris one day and see the Eiffel Tower and taste real French bread. A while ago, my mom went on a trip to France with some others, and I begged her to take me with her. I've always had a little French spirit in me.
In first grade, my class did England for our Nations Day, and we were taught things about England-- its history, its culture, and their national anthem. We were taught by the mom of one of my friends who was British. At the time, I didn't find her parents' accents very fascinating, but now, I swoon at the sound of a British accent. It wasn't until the time around middle school that I started to really get into British things, like Harry Potter, Doctor Who and The Lord of the Rings. Now I'll love anything British. It's been my dream for a long time to travel the world; mostly Europe. I really didn't think I would start this soon...
Sometimes I just have to sit for a minute and tell myself that I am actually going to London and Paris. I never get very far in my thoughts without squealing to myself or screaming into a pillow. Judging by the state I'm in now, I can't help but wonder what will happen to me when I get there. My guess is that I will start crying, faint, or just stand there with my mouth hanging open.
Part of being me is planning ahead for almost everything. While I should be doing homework, I'm spending hours on Google Earth and the Internet exploring the choices I have, whether it's where to eat lunch or where to spend my free time. For me, the choices are endless. There's Speedy's Sandwich Bar & Cafe where the BBC TV program Sherlock was filmed, a Doctor Who tour, Shakespeare's plays at The Globe, the Sherlock Holmes museum, etc... you get the point. I'm a fangirl.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited. Ohhh yes, I most definitely am. Other people have said they're excited, and I believe them of course; who in the world wouldn't be excited?? (Except maybe my sister.) I just don't think they're as excited as I am. I'm not trying to brag or anything, it's just I've got a replica of Big Ben right next to my computer. So because I think my excitement exceeds the excitement of others going on the trip, I may need help. To my friends going on the trip, I suggest putting me on a leash so I won't run off if I see something exciting, such as a Benedict Cumberbatch, which will be highly unlikely to be seen, or bringing paper bags that I can hyperventilate in to.
I feel like this whole thing is a dream. My life is like a dream, and I hope I never wake up.

A Brief Introduction

Hello. 

I've decided to start a blog I guess so that I can share my thoughts with the world (although I know not many people will read this) and let people know what cool things are happening in my life. 

Right now I am a 16-year-old sophomore at Twin Peaks Charter Academy, and wow, things have changed. I lived a pretty normal and easygoing life until this year. Not to say that it's not still nice, but a lot has definitely changed. 

We're all getting older and college is creeping up on me. I'm only a sophomore so I've got a little while to go, but it'll be here before I know it. School is getting a bit more difficult and time goes on just as it should. 

I feel like I'm learning new life lessons every day and learning more things about people and the world around me, and it's all so fascinating and exciting and disappointing and sad all at the same time, but I guess that's just part of growing up. 

There's a lot more I could say about myself, but I simply don't have time to tell everything in one post. So, to conclude this brief introduction, I will say that everything I have already gone through in my whole life and everything that I have learned has brought me to believe that life is beautiful, and I hope many, many others will come to believe that too.