It has been a whopping nine months since I last posted, and many, many things have happened that I could write about. I will try to make it as concise as I can!
Looking back, I can see how God has worked in my life in the past year alone. The season of my life last year was a season of weakness, pain and emptiness. I don't know why and how it began, or why and how it suddenly ended, but it sure was an unpleasant season. The amazing thing is that the empty feeling was miraculously gone one day in June, and the rest of the summer, although a little slow, lonely and tedious, was a season of healing. I felt like I could breathe more, and things were going to be fine. I visited Colorado in August and went to a women's retreat at Ravencrest in Estes Park, and I can't even tell you how refreshing and revitalizing that experience was. I found so much peace and joy, thank the Lord! A week or so later, I got together with my Colorado Fam. The cat was let out of the bag that I was interested in one of them, so now they all know except for him. The dangerous thing is that these people are a bunch of matchmakers, and they have given their approval of me and this guy getting together someday. Oh boy, I'm in trouble. What I found that night, however, is I really don't look at this guy as more than a friend, but he's a real pleasant guy and I still totally have my eye on him. Wink.
I came back to San Antonio, started my second year of school, and things have changed so much since then. By God's grace, I went through a process of hurt and healing that ended in a much-needed retreat with Jesus that gave me the boost I needed to start the next chapter. I thank God for everything that happened next. He is SO good.
I began my first ever acting class, which obviously I dreaded at first, but I grew and stretched and saw fears that I've held onto for my whole life disappear into the wind. I got to be the spotlight/projection op for Newsies at the theater I work at, and I still feel like it's exactly what I needed at that time, thank God. I got to be a part of this incredible, amazing, fun show, but I didn't have to deal with the pressures of working backstage. I love working backstage, but now I think that so much of the pain I dealt with before came from doing just that because it wasn't what I needed and it was too hard on me for a few different reasons, but especially socially. When working on Newsies, I didn't have to feel the pressure of trying to have fun and fit in backstage, even if I wanted to be around all the actors. That's something I was struggling with so much, but God orchestrated things so I would be placed a safe distance away from that pain and pressure, literally. I still got to work on the show, but from up in the tech booth with the stage manager and light board op. I got to see this wonderful work of art that I loved so much, and I had the freedom and ease to approach some of the cast, introduce myself, and have joy in the fact that we simply got to meet. One person in particular played a large part in all of this and has left a mark on my life, though he probably doesn't realize it. He was one of the actors in the show, and to my delight, he turned out to be a mutual friend that one of my dearest friends told me about a couple years prior. It's a small world! And to make it better, I discovered that he is a hardcore Disney fan, an insanely talented guy, is actually Peter Pan, and most of all loves Jesus with his life! We never got to know each other very well, but to this day I admire him so much and he serves as an inspiration to me as a brother in Christ in the arts. Thank you God so much for this person you placed in my life! While doing Newsies, I grew closer to Jesus in ways that taught me that I receive my strength from Christ alone, and I don't have to be afraid anymore because the hope, freedom and joy of the Lord is right in front of me! Hallelujah!
After Newsies, I took on the challenge of being Assistant Stage Manager for a show at school in which a TV/movie actor played the main character! So cool, and a good experience! Thanksgiving came around, and by that time, I felt happier, more confident, freer to be me, and more excited to be with my classmates, who kindly included me in their Friendsgiving dinner. To be honest, I was pretty skeptical and a little judgy of them during my first year at the school, but the good Lord Jesus opened my eyes to see that I could find a family in them. I am so grateful and it means so much to me.
After that, I decided to make myself available to be one of the stage managers for the school's giant production of Oliver!. Again, by God's grace, I was able to stage manage alongside one of my dear friends, and there isn't anyone better that I could have done it with. It was an interesting and informative experience, to say the least. Things got intense during the last few weeks of rehearsals. I had turned into this super forgetful and scatterbrained person, and I had a couple pretty bad emotional/mental breakdowns in my car. It's all part of the job, let's be honest. I am so grateful that I had that experience, however, because it forced me to step forward as a leader and speak up. At the beginning, I had to think about what I was gonna say and how I was gonna say it before I said it, or I just wouldn't say anything at all. By the end, if something needed to be done, I'd say "GET ON IT". I still struggle with being nervous about speaking up, but this experience helped me a lot and is something I will forever be grateful for. During that time, I had continued on into the Acting 2 class. There's no doubt that acting still makes me uncomfortable and I have no desire to pursue it further, but I'm grateful because being in those classes has allowed me to learn and grow in the ways of art and performance while also experiencing other things that have taught and challenged me.
By now, I have worked with and encountered so many talented artists and performers that I'm used to it. When I had started, I didn't know how to handle it all; I was surely overwhelmed. But now, I know who I am, I know my value, I know what I can bring, and I know that it's okay to be me and no one else. That has allowed me to approach people more confidently and appreciate and celebrate their extraordinary talents while being happy to be me. I have learned to be more comfortable around these professionals, but I do not take any of this for granted. I remind myself of where I started before I got here, and where I am now. It makes me so proud and happy. Proud of myself, that I got to a place I never thought I'd be, but NONE of it would have ever happened were it not for God's great provision and faithfulness.
That brings me to the next topic. Three words: Million. Dollar. Quartet. I had looked forward to this show pretty much since it was announced. I had never seen it so I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but WOW did it exceed all expectations!! I ended up seeing the show four times, naming myself MDQ's #1 fangirl, and inadvertently becoming a groupie. The best part of all of this though, is that Elvis and I are pals now (I will not be using his real name for privacy reasons). Here's what happened: I saw it the first time during the staff preview. I saw it the second time on opening night and stayed for the reception. I pushed myself to go to each cast member and tell them how great they were, and it was so worth it! I had ended up sitting in an isolated seat in the front row that evening, so they noticed me and recognized me later at the reception, leading some of them to talk to me. Ah! Yay! One of these fine gentlemen that talked to me was the very talented actor who played Elvis Presley. We had a short conversation, and it was very nice. Later that night he friended me on Facebook and expressed interest in hanging out. Uh, WOW. I let it sit for a couple weeks because I wasn't sure what the best thing to do was, but then the opportunity arose to go to an MDQ event at a bar to see them perform and to socialize with them. PERFECT! (Sidenote: I've always wanted the opportunity to just talk a while and maybe even hang out with some of the actors at this theater without being shy or weird, and the opportunity never really came until Elvis showed up). So I went to this event, it being my very first time at a bar, and I'm happy that my first time was with the people that were there because one of my dear, sweet friends who I adore very much so graciously got a club soda for me. It really was a fun experience. I got to socialize a bit with a few different people, but Elvis and I ended up talking for I don't know how long. It was quite a while. It was an opportunity that I didn't think would come my way, but it did! I saw him a couple more times after that, and by the time he left, I felt that we had become buds. Now we have each other's number and we've shot each other a few little texts. Don't mind me, I'm just over here laughing and being over-excited about ending up with Elvis' number and knowing that we probably like each other (though it's truthfully not something I can pursue any further for multiple reasons). This is hopefully going to stay at a friendly distance, whatever this is. But I'm sure glad I was able to experience this whirlwind of Million Dollar Quartet craziness! It's funny what life brings your way sometimes, and I thank God that I was able to enjoy all of it, but I better not dwell on it too much.
So now it's about a month away from graduation, and that means saying goodbye to my school, some of the friends I've met, moving out of my aunt and uncle's house, and leaving the beloved theater that I call home and the wonderful people there. That's what's going to hurt the most, because I have learned, grown, and loved there the most. That theater has become such a large part of my life, and a piece of my heart will always stay there. It's all incredibly bittersweet and I may be a sobbing mess later on... I won't be moving very far away so this isn't goodbye forever, but I think I'm ready to see what's next. Wow, it has been a journey. Thank you, Jesus.
