2017 Reflection

Here we are, the last day of 2017. So many things have happened in this year alone. 2016 was a big year for me; probably the biggest in my life at that time, but 2017 has been a continuation of the change and craziness that took over my life. Because it is New Years Eve, I feel the need to reflect on all the things from the past year that have caused me to become the person I am today. In 2016, basically everything changed for me.  I finished up my senior year of high school and graduated, and then suddenly we were moving out of the house that I grew and matured in for seven years of my life. My parents and my brother moved down to Texas, a place I never ever thought we would end up living, and I spent a good chunk of the summer figuring out myself and what I was supposed to do with my life. In the fall of 2016, I found myself at Ravencrest, a place I would be for the next eight months. To be as brief as I can, going to Ravencrest changed my life. It changed my relationship with God, it gave me more knowledge of what I believe and why I believe it, and it showed me how precious people and how I can love them the way Jesus wants me to. By the end of my year at Ravencrest, I hadn’t totally seen how much I had changed, but I knew it had changed me somehow and it was evident to other people, and that was all that mattered. I was baptized, which of course was a joyful and celebratory happening, but by the time we were done for the year, I was a bit burned out and I wasn’t quite as emotional and sentimental about leaving as I thought I would be. I entered into the summer hoping that I would take everything that I had learned with me and live out this newness in me, but it turned out to be another somewhat disappointing summer; disappointing because I was disappointed in myself. Because of that, I almost don’t count this summer as a significant part of my year. It was like I jumped, thinking that I would be ready to fly, but I fell instead. I fell, but I didn’t hit the ground. I found my wings again when I went on DC Talk’s reunion cruise with my siblings. After that cruise, I was left with a newfound love for DC Talk and each of the members’ personal testimonies of Jesus Christ in their lives. I was so inspired and drawn to the Lord once again. There was a day in July when I drove up to a vacant parking lot that overlooked a bit of the city.  I brought my Bible and Christian music with me with the intent of having a “date” with God, which I have never been good at since I’m so bad at focusing on what I’m saying to God and what He’s saying to me. There was a moment though when I remember thinking to myself with tears in my eyes, “I’m scared”, referring to my uncertain future. A moment after, there was a simple, quiet answer, which was, “I know”. And what a profound answer that is! I was reminded in that instant that Jesus knows our pain and fear more than we may ever understand. He lived and died as a human being. He willingly sacrificed himself to save us from sin, and we often forget how much pain and fear he was dealing with in those hours before his death on the cross, even though he knew how great the outcome would be. That moment didn’t miraculously make me brave, but it is an important moment that I have kept with me through the rest of the year. Fast forward to when I moved to Texas. I knew that moving to Texas would mean living differently than I had before and facing some new and scary things, but I also kinda had no idea what I was doing. I just took what came my way and tried to handle it the best way I knew how. One of those things that came my way was the grand opportunity to work backstage at The San Antonio Playhouse. I won’t get too specific about it, but it was an answer to prayer and a dream come true in many ways. I got to do exactly what I wanted to do, which was being a dresser, I got to meet and fall in love with the cast and crew, and that taught me more about loving people as Jesus does, I got to learn more about theatre and even get my foot in the door in the San Antonio theatre community, and I learned more about myself and my value, which built me up and gave me so much confidence in myself and my future. I’ve never felt as loved and appreciated as they make me feel at work. God has given me this incredible, dream-come-true experience (which I do not deserve, by the way. God is simply so good.) in order to glorify him, and that’s what I really want. I’ve felt less afraid to share myself and my faith, and I’m more eager to share what I feel and believe. God has changed me and shaped me in miraculous ways all for His glory. I did not get here on my own. Thank you God for 2017. I can’t wait to see what you’ll make happen in 2018! Lord, please remind me to lift it all up to you. All the glory goes to you, Father!